scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
