my shit smells like andre
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
