Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
