Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
