Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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