DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
