i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
