My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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