Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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