I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
