I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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