you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
