Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
