Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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