I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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