i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
