Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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