Whod you bang
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
