There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
