it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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