I got chris browned last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
