He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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