I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
