i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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