No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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