I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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