you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
