It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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