Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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