I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
