At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
did i walk over a car last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
