It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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