Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
