i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
