before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
