You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
