he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
