yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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