What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
