evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
