Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
