It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
