hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
