Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

(1-714): View more from California

yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

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(217): View more from Illinois

i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

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(650): View more from California

I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?

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(330): View more from Ohio

First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.

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