Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
