woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We need to get me chipped asap
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
