Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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