Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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