Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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