I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
